Everyone knows players like Mark McGwire, Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi, and Sammy Sosa have taken performance-enhancing steroids. Jose Canseco admitted taking steroids in his book, Juiced. Giambi apologized for it, without saying exactly what he was apologizing for (but we all knew).

With Bonds on a crash course to break Hank Aaron's all-time career mark of 755 homeruns, MLB Commissioner Bud Selig tried to save some face by putting in a half-assed steroid testing policy (they still don't have a test for HGH—human growth hormone—the biggie that causes guys to swell up to gargantuan porportions and hit dingers almost at will). Selig also appointed former Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell to probe steroid use in baseball. But Mitchell has no real power.

"When I began, I was, of course, aware that I do not have the power to compel testimony or the production of documents," Mitchell said. "From the outset I believed that the absence of such power would significantly increase the amount of time necessary to complete the investigation, and it has. We are pressing forward diligently and will conclude our work as soon as possible," he said. "It's important to finish this job as soon as possible, but it's even more important to do it right."

Meanwhile, Selig is prepared to celebrate Bonds' new HR record as if it were an unblemished accomplishment. Good luck, Bud. No one outside SF will care (if Bonds is still even playing in SF, that is).